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Ellen Anne Eddy
Author of Thread Magic: The Enchanted World of Ellen Anne Eddy Fiber artist, author and teacher
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Thursday, April 29, 2010

Musings: Art Outside the Box:Seedlings and Change

You know you're a pessimist when you find yourself facing changes as loss.  About every five years or so, my world spins in such a way that friendships, work styles, places of worship, folk I've called family, and even my pets shift and change under me. I feel like I'm standing in an earthquake. I'm watching things shake and wondering where they'll all be when the shaking stops. I wonder who I'll be when the shaking stops.

I do know better. I really do. I know that while feelings are just passing bits of chemical change, misery is a choice that I do not have to make. Misery is something that needs petting, feeding, care, attention. It's a lousy house guest and a rude pocket pet. Choosing misery is a selfish power play. It's a child's temper tantrum staged for pity or power.

The nature of our physicality is that things come and go. If they're living, they can't be confined or refined into a shrine where I keep them. That's a tomb, really.

We breathe in. We breathe out. There's no good in holding on to a breath taken twenty minutes ago. We eat. We release. At least we hope we do. There's a whole pharmaceutical market for when that isn't working. It's part of that body we wear.

So why am I surprised or hurt by the changes in family and friends? Because I'm terrified of the moment in that hallway of change where I'm waiting in the void. I do know that the void will fill. That too is natural. But that moment ( some of them much longer than others) where  you wait past the change for where you're life begins after that makes me very nervous.

I could say this is why I don't vacuum. I don't think anyone would believe it, but it sounds like a great psychological excuse. 

It reminds me that joy creeps in. I've never seen joy leap. Or run. Or crash through. It's a seedling that grows, not a tidal wave.I've seen it creep under my garden gate. I've seen it slide out of the drawers of my fabric stash or out of the pages of  a book. It circles around through the lyrics of a song. It's soft and silly. I can let it in. I can ignore it. If I simply let it remain it will grow into something much better than where I am. If I dance with it, tickle it, let it tickle me, then the world is much better.  I do tend to be ticklish.

How is this art? The world I live in, the world you live in, the world we all live in, is created by how we think about it all. Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so. My thoughts are as malleable as fabric and thread. My thoughts build the part of the world that is my response, which in turn, builds my world.

I'm going out to the garden. I want to see the seedlings.


Kimberly said...

Thank you for these wise thoughts and beautiful words. It's a great reminder of how we really can create our own reality through our thoughts. It's a simple, but powerful, lesson.

dianedoodles said...

Ellen Anne,
This post has helped me more than you will ever know. Expressed so well.
I have stood on a rumbling precipice for the past couple of weeks, and I will continue to stand or find a place of safety and leap there.
Diane L, (your #1 Arkansas fan)

Diane Duncan said...

Wow! So ably expressed! I've grown into this understanding over the years but if I could only learn to be more patient waiting to 'pass through this door'.

Rebekah Crown said...

Such beautiful, powerful words. I always look for inspiration in my fabrics. They always lift me up when things get me downé

Lori said...

spoken with an open heart....Enjoy the beauty of your garden let it breath peace into you

carolann said...

Beautiful post wonderful encouragement for those of us who stand on the edge of change, who are recovering from sorrow. Enjoy the spring.

Anonymous said...

I feel the same and resonate to your expressions of your thoughts and feelings. However at my age when my body is disintegrating cell by cell and is unable to do some of the simplest things anymore, I find that a positive attitude doesn't alter anything. Self pity is a futile and self defeating emotion, but it is a realistic approach to life. Expecting things to improve doesn't alwayas reflect reality. Spend time with your animals; they can really love you and make things seem better. Too bad my cat beacame very arthritic and had to be put down for her own good.

Anonymous said...

Life is so strange...I'm going through the loss of one of my best friends...she's made new ones and now I'm put aside...sure makes me think it's something I've done....but new 'seeds' will sow new plants and hopefully new friends! Thanks for sharing your emotions and feelings!

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